Kristen This year, my best friends from high school and I turned 45. With four of us still living locally and one out of town, we made plans to celebrate in Buffalo.
Our friend, Elisse, flew in from Brooklyn with some requests: champagne, Sahlens, and recreating a photo we took 28-years-ago were among the top three.
Our designated meeting place was Jessie’s house – a beautiful, historic colonial in North Buffalo. As I threw my overnight bag in the car and drove into the city, I thought about high school and the two years leading up to it – my middle school years…
I don’t talk about this a lot, but I was bullied in middle school. It got so bad that my parents pulled me out of public school and enrolled me in a nearby private school at the beginning of 8th grade. Unfortunately, word traveled fast. The private school kids began ostracizing me as soon as they found out I was bullied at my previous school. I remember dreading the thought of going to school every day and wanting to just disappear. I threw myself into the one thing I loved: playing the violin. I realize now that I was severely depressed. I wish I could go back, give that girl a hug, tell her to stand tall, and reassure her that – pretty soon – everything would be okay.
It was around that time that I had to start thinking about high school. My mom broached the subject. Now that I’m a mom, I have a sense of how hard that must have been for her to see me struggling. “Would you want to take a look at Nardin?” she asked. Nardin Academy was a private, Catholic, all-girls high school tucked into Buffalo’s Elmwood Village. She’d graduated from Nardin 20-years prior, still remaining close with her classmates. “Sure,” I said. A couple of weeks later – after spending the day shadowing a Nardin girl – I knew I wanted to take a shot at the entrance exam. That fall, I started as a freshman.
Back then, no one had cell phones and everyone had landlines. I remember standing over the answering machine one afternoon with my mom. Our eyes grew wider and full of excitement as we listened to the message: “Hi Kristen, it’s Deanna from school,” I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house and hang out this weekend.”
Yes! I wanted to come over! I remember laying in the sun after swimming in Deanna’s pool. She was so articulate and easy to talk to, and she had no idea how much her invitation had meant to me.
Over time, me, Deanna, Jessie, Elisse and Katie became close friends…
Katie and I met when I excused myself to go to the ladies room during lunch period and came back to find her eating my french fries. We still jokingly argue about the incident – I say she ate most of them, she says she ate, “like two.” Katie was diagnosed with ADHD in high school and I received my diagnosis two years ago. We’ve helped one another through a lot since – and set up the most fun trade. I help Katie with design and organization, and she’s my hairstylist!
Elisse and I clicked from the beginning. One of my fondest memories of her was during our junior year. We we were sitting next to one another during an assembly where administration was announcing awards. The music directors got up and began describing a particular student who’d exhibited exemplary work and decorum in our orchestra. Elisse immediately whispered, “They’re talking about you!” I said, “No, no, they can’t be.” She insisted, “It’s you! I know it is!” Seconds later, they said my name. We both squealed! Elisse was so genuinely happy for me that it made my own happiness that much brighter.
Jessie and I played in the orchestra together. She was in the percussion section and I played in the string section on my violin. She was wise beyond her years and shared a similar sense of humor. We spent many fun days and nights at Jessie’s house. Jessie lived with her mom in the Parkside area of North Buffalo. I’ll never forget when Jessie called me and said, “My mom would like my friends to call her by her first name, Pam.” Well, Pam became like a second mom to us. I cherish all of the warm morning conversations we had, sipping tea in her kitchen. The years of mother-daughter events, birthdays, weddings (including her own), volunteering together, talks in her garden, and holidays spent together.
Our families became friends. Katie’s parents took us to see Michigan State University when we were looking at colleges. Deanna’s parents bought a cottage on Crystal Beach and we spent countless days and nights enjoying dinners and beautiful beach days with her family. Her mom, Debbie, was so much fun – a great conversationalist, dancer, cook, and hostess. Her dad, Gary, made the yummiest “dippin’ eggs” breakfasts had an unmistakable, infectious laugh. It was Gary who nicknamed us, “The Nardin Five.”
When my parents divorced in my mid-30s, my mom and I felt displaced and not sure where to go for the holidays. Jessie and Deanna’s families took turns welcoming us into their homes. I was honored to become Godmother of Deanna’s daughter, Savannah, in 2016, and in 2018, Jessie and Deanna stood up as matrons of honor in my wedding.
In winter 2024, Jessie lost her mom, and this past spring ’26, Deanna lost her dad. Elisse flew in for both of their services. Their absences are heartbreaking, and will forever leave a void that can never be filled. I know that their very best qualities live on through Jessie and Deanna.
This weekend – as we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt and one of us may or may not have peed her pants a little – we realized we are more alike than we ever thought we were. We’ve all taken various paths in our 45 years. We’ve laughed, cried, argued, made up, listened, encouraged, and fiercely stood up for each other.
With our 30 years of history comes an understanding of one another that’s unmatched. What we have is authentic friendship. We’re the Nardin Five.
